What is YOUR Real Secret to Finally Getting Love Right?

What is the magic formula for lasting and happy relationships?

Some couples stay (unhappily) married all their lives. Some stay together even when there’s no sex anymore (with one or both partners often seeking sex elsewhere while staying with their spouse legally).

Many couples break up over much slighter infractions or because one of them falls in love with someone else.

Then, once in a great while, you see it: a truly happy, married and lifelong romance.

So just what is it that makes love work?

I know for me, common interests aren’t enough.  As a kid I was always the odd girl who loved to explore nature and I LOVED to fish – and so of course all my best buddies were boys. To this day, though, it is VERY rare for me to find one of my fishing buddies appealing as a romantic partner.

What is it then? The same political beliefs, the same hobbies, the same religion?  We all know enough exceptions to that. In fact I actively dislike one of the big online, advertised dating services because I so adamantly disagree with their premise that you can answer a few questions about your ‘core values’ and be matched up with a perfect date!  (To be honest I tried it and had the three worst dates of my life!) 

On the other hand, my fiancé, the love of my life, and I are probably the most diametrically opposite, politically speaking, as two people can get. Yet we never fuss and are always ready to snuggle or jump in the sack together, even after a fight – and after almost ten years!

Then there’s the school that says you need to ‘find yourself’ first, build an independent life crammed full of your own activities and then somehow, magically, true and enduring love will find you.

I think there’s a fatal flaw in this logic. Love, to me, means ‘mutual need’ rather than mutual ‘not needing’. Without ‘need’, without being highly motivated to work through all those tough challenges life throws at couples, it’s far too easy to throw in the towel and continue on our way, because we really don’t ‘need’ our partner – or the relationship.

If you can both be desperate for each other, isn’t that what the great romances of all time are about?

So what is it?  What is the formula for finally getting love right?

I’d love to hear from my readers. Feel free to comment, disagree, make your statement – even if you completely disagree.

Look forward to hearing from you!

Best,

Cathy

ps for some immediate relationship help click here.

Lonely Weekend?

Hi everyone,

Another week has come and gone and many of us are facing another lonely weekend -- even if you're 'with' someone, you know you can still feel very, very alone. Especially if your relationship isn't satisfying or if it's filled with conflict.

A recent breakup or falling out can be devastating and can make you feel isolated, frightened and vulnerable -- whether your a guy or a gal.  Humans, despite recent popular advice, are designed to be with other people, and in close, interdependent relationships.

Meaning, all that hype about 'creating your own self-sufficient life' and 'being independent and therefore attractive' is somehow deceptive.

You see, especially after a divorce or breakup, designing a completely independent life can serve to SABOTAGE your attempts at finding love.

Often moving out of that apartment and buying our own home, can actually isolate you, burden you with non-negotiable bills and responsibility and be a real roadblock when it comes to merging your life easily with someone else's life.

I know because I've been there. I've followed all that advice and ended up just where I DIDN'T want to be; saddled with a mortgage and all the burdens of home maintenance and moving far from family and friends (because I couldn't afford anything near where my apartment had been), on a new strict budget which pretty much eliminated fun times out, and worse eroded my support systems.

I'd thought that 'not waiting for love' and buying a home and building a life crammed with activity would magically draw my dream love to me. Instead I got a nightmare of isolation and bills.

I'd love to hear YOUR experiences and feedback on this idea.

In the meantime, check out this relationship resource that has been getting really good reviews and tell me what you think. If your marriage or relationship is in trouble, this might help,   and to get back into the dating game, check out these great dating-tips!

So you soon!

Cathy

Wondering if You'll Ever Find Love?

It's a fear most of us have deep down in our guts; the fear that we won't find love.

Not so much that people won't love us.  If you've ever been the recipient of a crush from someone who just doesn't 'do it' for you, you know that being loved by the wrong person can be unsatisfying and even (let's be honest) annoying.  Kind of like having a muddy puppy desperately trying to jump all over you.

No, what we're afraid of missing out on is finding that special person who we love deeply, thoroughly and without restraint; unconditional and passionate love for someone we're crazy about and who loves us back at least as much -- if not more.

Even if you've got someone in your life, love can be a very tricky balancing act. As much as it hurts to admit, love alone may not be enough to even keep you two together, no less build a lasting marriage on. Everything from family illness to infidelity to addictions to sexual, political or religious  incompatibility can eat away at the foundations --  even the very core  -- of your relationship.

Finally Getting Love Right is a place to talk things out, get ideas and support, find resources and in general improve your chances of having (finding and keeping) that lifelong, lasting love we all need.

Questions, comments and topic ideas are welcome here. Even if you just need a shoulder to cry on.

Feel free to drop me a line at:  Cathy@finallygettingloveright.com


ps --

If you're in the middle of a desperate relationship crisis and time is of the essence, there's a resource for saving your relationship which you can check out here.

Let me know how it works for you -- and you have my sincere prayers for a happy make-up.


Best,

Cathy