Alone Again? Oprah Dating and Relationship Expert Cure for Lonely Weekends

Let's face it; not having a date for the weekend sucks.

Sorry to be so blunt but it's true. It's hard when you don't have that special someone to share special times with, that special weekend date or a loving partner to go on vacation with.  Despite all the popular advice and 'wisdom' about being sufficient unto one's self, and not 'needing' anyone else to make us happy, be honest: seeing a movie, admiring your freshly planted garden or going out to eat are all things that are better if shared.

Events in our lives just don't seem as enjoyable (or sometimes even endurable) without someone else to experience them with us.  As children we call "Mommy, look! Look! No hands!"; as adults we like to be able to come home and announce. "Honey guess what? My boss called me into the office and -- now I'm Manager of my Department!"

Got your book accepted by a publisher? Tell your wife and go celebrate. 

Got a scary test result at the doctor?  Get you husband or boyfriend on the phone for emotional support.

Humans are designed to be interdependent. Special occasions or the mundane day to day routine, we not only enjoy the company but on a deep level we need it.

And there's nothing wrong with that. 

But what if you never found that special someone to begin with?

It's really though to cope with being alone, especially on the holidays or special occasions when we not only want someone special to share them with, but around which society has built togetherness rituals. Christmas with the family around the tree. Birthday parties. New Year's Eve celebrations. Rarely do we see ads or commercials where one man or woman, alone, is even featured -- no less happy.

If you're one of the increasing numbers of singles, you might find a singles get together or something to attend but we both know it's not the same as having that special life companion at your side to share your day's ups and downs. So how can we bring that joy and sense of togetherness into our lives? How do you open the door to dating, love or even marriage?

Here are 300 creative and affordable dating ideas -- whether you're married or dating or even single - from Michael Webb,  hailed as "The World's Most Romantic Man." 

Who is Michael Webb? He is the famous relationship expert featured on Oprah and over 500 radio and TV shows like The 700 Club and Men Are From Mars/Women Are From Venus.

Here is advice for jump-starting your love life, including 8 Creative Ways To Ask Someone Out, Dating Do's and Don'ts, 20 Dating Coupons, 300 Creative Date Ideas and more!

Get your confidence back, pull yourself up out of your doldrums and pave the way for a fulfilling and love-filled new love-life. Don't waste another lonely minute; just click the link and take a look. Take a chance -- Take a chance on yourself.  Give yourself a real chance a new love. Click here now.

Best,

Cathy
ps If your relationship or marriage is in trouble, check out THIS great resource for getting your marriage back, or THESE TRICKS TO GET YOUR EX BACK.

Is It Time To Give Up On Your Relationship? The Difference Between Giving Up and Letting Go.

Sometimes it seems as if nothing you do can keep it together or get it back; whether you're married, living with someone or have only been dating a few weeks, if the relationship (or, more specifically, the person) means a lot to you, it's natural to struggle to regain what you've lost.


But what if, in struggling, you're actually just pushing your relationship father away?


There is a spiritual principle that involves letting go; not of hope, not out of carelessness, but from a point of trust.  Faith, if you will. 


Of course that's a LOT easier said than done.  Trust me, I've been there, and know the agonizing desperation of NEEDING to get my man back in my life. 


Sometimes calling until you get a chance to talk and clear things up does work.  Sometimes, frankly, so can touching those emotional and sexual triggers you know he (or she) responds to so well.  Sometimes, yes, you can gain a toe-hold that way and at least get a second chance to start a dialog.


But you'd better proceed with mindfulness and caution lest your second chance becomes your lost chance.


The actual 'get my ex back' methods are way too numerous to go into here in any depth, but no matter what course you decide to embark on, the crucial concept of 'release' is something that must enter the equation.


You see, the Universe, and we, are pure energy. Spirit, physics, God, however you see it, we are not the separate, physical world we think we are.  On a chemical, molecular, quantum and Spiritual level, we are all connected. So if you think about it, it makes sense that what you do and what you feel, even what you think, manifests in the world.


That's why obsessing and emotionally clawing at your lover in an attempt to regain the love can actually result in pushing it farther and farther away.  Anything being chased will flee. Negativity attracts more negativity, fear exacerbates fear,  a poverty-consciousness makes everyone poorer.


When hoping to rekindle the love or bring your ex back into your life, consider letting go.


In a spiritual sense, if not in an emotional one.  If you pray, then pray. Pray sincerely and deeply.  Pull out all the stops.


Then -- let it go.  Turn it over to your Higher Power.


That doesn't mean ignore things that should be done. It doesn't even mean you should never call him or her again or act on that quiet intuition to send a card or letter.


But release expectation.  Even, if it feels (deep down in that quiet part of you) like the right thing to do, release the person you love. Walk away with love and dignity.


It's an interesting fact that, if you've ever worked with dog training, sometimes the best way to get a loose dog to come back to you isn't to chase it or call it or yell at him.  Get his attention and then -- run away.


That makes you MUCH more interesting to the dog and much less threatening.  In fact your dog will likely see it as a fun new game and begin running after you!


It makes sense with dating, too.


You just might find, as I did, that your ex somehow 'feels' this change in the air and suddenly calls you or shows up at your door.


So the paradox is that by letting go, you might end up getting your ex back after all.


Just something to tuck into your relationship-survival arsenal.


As always, feel free to drop me a note about your thoughts, feelings or reactions to my blog.


Best,


Cathy


p.s.: If you're in the middle of a relationship crisis right now, time matters! Here is a proven resource that can help you get your ex back before it's too late.

How Important Is Sex In Your Relationship?

Don't count the first few weeks or months.  Of course you can't keep your hands off each other. 

In fact, if you weren't hot for each other every moment (even if neither of you actually ACTED on it), you probably would never have gotten beyond the first two or three dates.

We've all read the studies, though, about how that endorphin high, that constant quest for physical intimacy, has to wane so that we remember to eat, go to work, pay the bills.  'They' say it's inevitable and necessary.

Sad.

Some long-term married couples, unfortunately, seem to feel like after a certain point sex becomes just one more obligation, or a very rare aberration in an otherwise dutiful existence.

Why do we make room in our busy lives for cleaning the gutters, painting the den, holding yard sales or mowing the lawn, but not for that most delicious and vital bonding mechanism in relationships?  Why do we get 'too busy' or 'too tired' for sex?

Sometimes there's a more insidious reason than a busy schedule (although busy-ness makes for a terrific excuse.) Sometimes, it seems, little resentments build up and grudges form, creating a barrier to emotional intimacy.  At this point women, especially, seem to withdraw physically. Maybe it's for spite, or to punish, or maybe it's a form of self-protectiveness. But there really is no good that can come from this.

Once the emotional openness and physical intimacy erodes, the relationship can grow cold -- or fiery with resentment.

Then there's the competition aspect.  Some, especially guys, might feel like everyone else is having more sex than they are.  Sadly, though, they're wrong; statistics actually show that many long-term couples don't even get physically intimate every week.

What a shame.

There are some couples, though - you know the ones, the ones who always seem happy together, sitting close, laughing, holding hands -- who make a point to stay 'hot' together. Even into old age, the bonding, the emotional depth, the fun, the communication and simple physical revving up that arises from healthy, frisky lust, yields benefits from improved health to stopping headaches to healing emotional wounds.

Can a married couple be happy without sex?  I'm sure it happens.

But I can't imagine any couple that wouldn't be happier with it.

As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Best,

Cathy

p.s.:  For help saving your marriage, check out this Save the Marriage resource.

Are Young, Childless Couples Really Happier?

There have been a slew of surveys recently that have concluded that the happiest couples of all are young, married and childless.


That's something to think about, especially in today's high-divorce society.  


According the the studies, happiness increased once the kids were old enough to be more self sufficient, and even greater when they moved out.


Many couples, though -- especially if they end up divorced for other reasons -- find that their grown children actively work to prevent them from remarrying.


You'd think that, as adults, everyone involved would be free to make their own decisions, but apparently not.  I knew a mature business woman who had divorced, and her son, in his early twenties, was determined to keep her from moving on. In fact he would raise such a fuss that she had to date behind her son's back, and we in the office had to cover for her.


Does this sound like the roles of parent and child got reversed?  What caused that?  Why do so many older adults find themselves actively controlled and manipulated by their own children?


I remember reading a book long ago about protecting your relationship from such outside forces, and to this day I still agree with the advice: Love your partner but protect the marriage and treat IT with as much love, respect and care as you do your mate.


The logic is that you can love your spouse tremendously, but if you let life's stresses and conflicts (even your own children) eat away at the foundation of your marriage, then all the love in the world may not be able to save it.


That's a different concept for many; seeing the marriage itself as its own entity, its own life in need of nurturing and protecting. To me it makes perfect sense.


What about you? Have your children interfered with your ability to remarry?  Did having children (be honest) diminish the happiness and contentment you felt in your marriage?


Drop me a note and let me know what you think.


Best,


Cathy
ps: Is your marriage in crisis? Here's a NEW resource I've found that will save your marriage.

Is it Better to be Best Friends or Sizzling Lovers?

When I was a growing up, the advice I heard (and read) over and over was that it's better to marry your best friend than someone you feel intense sexual attraction to.


The reasoning was that, once the fire dies down you need to be able to fall back on that close friendship - that the camaraderie will be, in the end, much more bonding and important than the physical chemistry ever was.


Worse, sexual attraction could influence you to make bad choices and end up with someone who was incompatible with you in other, more important ways.


I took that advice to heart, marrying someone who shared my hobbies and interests and with whom I was able to talk -- a lot.  We chatted over dinner, we griped over lunch, we blabbered during TV shows. 


Better, we tended to agree on almost everything from politics to movies. In short, we were 'compatible'.


So we did we eventually go our separate ways?


We'd stopped having sex, for one.


Sure, the mental friendship was there.  What was missing was any reason to hold hands, sleep close together, spend long melting moments kissing. The romance, the intensity, the 'need' to make it work -- that was long gone.


Without the physical, the mental suffered.  Without the sexual need, the emotional intimacy became extinct in the marriage.  With that event, nit-picking began. Fault finding. Chinks appeared in the armor. It became a 'working' relationship like my parents had, complete with arguing and anger, but then (because I am not my Mother) distance.  Distance legally.  You see, I eventually couldn't take a marriage without passion -- the loving, intimate, physical, romantic  kind.


Now, for some (maybe most) simply being married, having a companion, having 'a husband' or 'a wife' is enough.  The security, especially in old age, definitely has advantages.


For others, though, a marriage without the passion is like a glorious sunrise hidden by clouds.


I've spoken to women who have grown 'old enough' to admit being set in their ways and now find no room in their lives for a live-in boyfriend or a husband.  They claim they're 'too old for that nonsense' now.


Too old?


I admit it's tough to combine your life with another as you get older, especially if your relationship is lukewarm. But if it's hot? Passionate? 


To me, I can have lots of friends.  It doesn't mean I want to jump their bones and wake up to their morning-breath every day. It takes a special relationship to endure the bad with the good, and to me a hot attraction keeps the 'work' aspect from outweighing the 'pleasure'.


Would you make room for a relationship like that in your life?


Is passion, in the end, as important (or even more so) than friendship?


I invite you to leave you thoughts.


Have a great one ---


Cathy


ps Having a relationship crisis? Check out this resource for making up with your mate, before it's too late to save your relationship.

Do You Kiss and Make Up After a Fight?

We all know them; the couples that fight.

They fight about dinner; they fight about shopping; they fight about where to park, who left the dirty dish in the sink, who forgot to do the laundry.

Just being around them can be exhausting.  

There's a lot of talk about 'how' you fight making a difference. Things like not taking cheap shots; not making your partner responsible for all your bad luck or for your own failures; not going to bed angry.

Ah.  

Do YOU 'go to bed' angry at your partner? Do you take it out on him or her by withholding sex? Affection? KINDNESS?

I used to do that.  

All that did was create more distance, more animosity, higher walls, less emotional intimacy.

It's at this point that many couples experience that big crisis; one of them has an affair.

That's not to say the affair is necessarily out of spite (although that does happen.) No, more often it's because, in time, we ALL need a soft place to land.  We all need someone safe to talk to, someone to be on 'our' side; we need affection and, yes, we need sex.  So if we're not getting those things from our primary relationship, we COULD martyr ourselves (punish ourselves) by doing without.  It is after all the moral high ground -- in its way.

Many can't do that though.  It is a tough way to live, and love -- doing without those deepest human comforts.  Even dogs pile up together to sleep, needing the security and comfort of others close by, touching and warming each other.

What's the alternative to going without or going outside the marriage, then?

Really, honestly, sincerely working things out.  Bring in a therapist or counselor if you need, or find help somewhere.  You need to communicate, you need to 'forgive' (not necessarily the error but forgive in a spiritual sense.)  

Sometimes, too, the right psychology can help.  Human interaction is all about someone being in charge (even in  a benign way) -- someone 'leading the dance', so to speak.

Chemistry, compatibility and attraction are fundamental, but beyond that, any relationship is based on psychology to some degree.

To me the important thing, in the end, is being able to  work through the issue rather than letting it fester and become a relationship buster. 

Agree?  Think I'm totally wrong?  Please share your opinion!

See you in the next one.

Best,

Cathy

ps For immediate help, and especially if you've had a fight with your lover and want to save your relationship, take a look at this self-help tool. Let me know how things turn out!

Is It Really Better to Have ‘Loved and Lost’ Than Never to Have Loved At All?

Men in Black is one of my favorite movies. There’s one point in there, though, when Agent J (Will Smith) stumbles upon his partner and teacher Agent K (Tommy Lee Jones) wistfully gazing upon a satellite image of his long-lost wife gardening. 

Interrupted, K shuts down the video stream. J tries to joke. “Oh, the tough guy image all makes sense now. So she never got those flowers . . .?”

K straightens his desk without looking up.

“Well,” J says, “You know what they say, ‘It’s better to have loved and lost –‘”

At which point K turns and snaps at him, “Try it.”

That has always stuck with me. Losing something seems to be so much harder than never having had it in the first place. Especially love.

 As long as we’re seeking, there is hope.  Maybe that’s the difference.  First of all, until you’ve had something ‘for real’, it hasn’t really left a gaping wound if it’s not there. It’s more like a sometimes lonely or frustrating journey to find it, but your life also has never changed to encompass and adapt to it either. Besides, just wait a little while longer and who knows, it could right around the corner!

Once you’ve had that love, though, once you have adapted to its demands, its fullness, its company, its balancing act, losing it can feel like losing a limb. Especially if you didn’t want it to end. Knowing you cannot replace that love, that specific, cherished, unique particular person and love relationship, is life altering. In that case the sense of loss can be devastating.

Some people, though, suggest that great love, even if lost, teaches us important lessons about ourselves; lessons that we wouldn’t otherwise learn.  Lessons like discovering the depth of emotion we’re capable of; the degree to which we’re able to release our egos and fully give whatever the situation demands for the good of the partnership; our capacity for forgiveness; empathy; commitment.

Is there a right answer? Or does it depend on the person, or even on the quality of the lost relationship? Some people move on to even better and happier, more fulfilling loves; others truly did seem to have a once-in-a-lifetime story-book romance.   Those are a pretty hard act to follow, and I know people who either lose heart or simply lose interest in romance again, knowing it was something they’ll never be able to replace. Pale, friendly companionship just doesn’t cut it after having had the wild, rich, dizzying romance of a lifetime.

Maybe the answer lies in who ends up the happiest overall?  Does having had a glorious love affair and having lost it leave you grateful and content, or wounded and cynical?  Maybe never having had it at all leaves you more hopeful, less bereft – or does never having felt that intense passion  stifle your ability to really FEEL and be truly intimate with anyone?

The people I know who have lost great loves seem to have become universally bitter and angry, but does this have to always be the case? Is there a way to plumb the depths of that grief, that loss, and build a stronger, deeper capacity to love?

As always I’m interested in your thoughts.

 

Till next time,

 

Cathy

Save Your Relationship with this Guide to getting your lover back.

Bad Breakup? (Feel Like You Can't Even Breathe?)

How Can You BREATHE After He Breaks Up With You? Can You Get Your Ex Back?

I know what it feels like to suddenly go from being content and happy in a relationship to instant panic.

Nothing else in the world can hurt so much that it feels like you can’t even breathe. Nothing else can send you into a tailspin of grief, anger, self-punishment and desperation. Suddenly nothing in life matters – nothing in life is worthwhile – nothing ever can be again unless you can fix this:

He left you.

He’s gone. He’s really, really gone this time.

How can you get him back? You’ll do ANYTHING just to have a second chance!

I know because I’ve been there.  I know just how deep the pain cuts, how it undermines any sense of self-worth; how it’s impossible to think about anything but those continual replays of the last conversation -- what went wrong, what I should have done different, exactly WHAT I said or did that caused this horrible turn of events.

Have you ever felt this way?

Your head spins, you cry, you want to get in touch with him RIGHT NOW and fix everything. You just want – no, you NEED – for everything to be back the way it used to be!

In your mind you endlessly go over and over it, looking at everything you did wrong, as if by playing it out the right way in your fantasy you can prevent the breakup from ever happening in the first place.

After all, even if you ‘know’ it’s not all your fault (or maybe that it even has nothing to do with you at all) in your HEART (which is where everything takes on the most meaning) you just KNOW you screwed up again.

You MUST have done something terrible to cause this. Maybe it was some stupid thing you said innocently that he misunderstood.  Maybe you knew you were taking a chance but said or did something STUPID that you now regret with every fiber of your being.

Maybe you’re just an undesirable person? (Admit it, that thought has crossed your mind!)

What if you find out now that he’s started seeing someone else? That would just crush whatever’s left of your heart.

You won’t be able to find happiness, a reason for living or even the ability to breathe again unless you can get your ex back.

Bottom line is, you’ve never felt so much pain and now all you want – all you can think about – is getting the love of your life to at least SPEAK to you again.

If you could find a way, find a resource or learn just what to do, what to say to win him back, wouldn't you be interested in learning about it?

Well, it might seem hard to believe right now but there IS hope. You are not an undesirable person and there IS a good chance you can get him back and have an even stronger relationship than you had before.

For those of you in the middle of a crisis right now and need help right this minute, I’ve provided a link below.

For those of you who have been through it and come out on the other side (or even if you're still a 'work in progress), I’d love to hear your story, your coping strategies and success stories if you’re one of the lucky ones who managed to get your ex back after a breakup.

Here’s to your success in finally getting love right,

Best,

Cathy

ps here's that relationship saver  for you.

Are Dating Sites SCAMS Preying on Lonely Singles?

This is a love and relationship topic I often wondered about since speaking to someone who worked as a SALES person at a large, paid dating service.


Ah ha. Salesman were being hired, not real relationship counselors?


To me, I think if I was sitting on the opposite side of the desk with a guy who was mentally adding up his commission checks while I bared my soul about what highly personal qualities were important to me in a loving, committed relationship, I might feel inhibited and more than a bit defensive.


I'd be very interested in knowing just how you feel about this idea -- that the person you confide in when you go to a dating service is all about selling the company's product. Not about really trying to help you.


Maybe the online dating sites are better - or are they also more about making money than helping people forge strong, enduring relationships?


Or does it matter? 


Like I said, I'd be interested in knowing how you feel about it. Just because it bothers me doesn't mean it bothers you,  and I'd love to have you tell us why, and share how you view the match making scene in general.


What do you think?




Cathy
(ps -- Here is a very popular and helpful resource on making up with your mate after a big falling out.)