How Important Is Sex In Your Relationship?

Don't count the first few weeks or months.  Of course you can't keep your hands off each other. 

In fact, if you weren't hot for each other every moment (even if neither of you actually ACTED on it), you probably would never have gotten beyond the first two or three dates.

We've all read the studies, though, about how that endorphin high, that constant quest for physical intimacy, has to wane so that we remember to eat, go to work, pay the bills.  'They' say it's inevitable and necessary.

Sad.

Some long-term married couples, unfortunately, seem to feel like after a certain point sex becomes just one more obligation, or a very rare aberration in an otherwise dutiful existence.

Why do we make room in our busy lives for cleaning the gutters, painting the den, holding yard sales or mowing the lawn, but not for that most delicious and vital bonding mechanism in relationships?  Why do we get 'too busy' or 'too tired' for sex?

Sometimes there's a more insidious reason than a busy schedule (although busy-ness makes for a terrific excuse.) Sometimes, it seems, little resentments build up and grudges form, creating a barrier to emotional intimacy.  At this point women, especially, seem to withdraw physically. Maybe it's for spite, or to punish, or maybe it's a form of self-protectiveness. But there really is no good that can come from this.

Once the emotional openness and physical intimacy erodes, the relationship can grow cold -- or fiery with resentment.

Then there's the competition aspect.  Some, especially guys, might feel like everyone else is having more sex than they are.  Sadly, though, they're wrong; statistics actually show that many long-term couples don't even get physically intimate every week.

What a shame.

There are some couples, though - you know the ones, the ones who always seem happy together, sitting close, laughing, holding hands -- who make a point to stay 'hot' together. Even into old age, the bonding, the emotional depth, the fun, the communication and simple physical revving up that arises from healthy, frisky lust, yields benefits from improved health to stopping headaches to healing emotional wounds.

Can a married couple be happy without sex?  I'm sure it happens.

But I can't imagine any couple that wouldn't be happier with it.

As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Best,

Cathy

p.s.:  For help saving your marriage, check out this Save the Marriage resource.